Grief in my own words….

Grief will affect us all in our lifetime and in this blog I write about my own personal experiences.

I started this year feeling very saddened hearing news of life lost, too young, too soon and too suddenly.

It got me thinking about grief and how it affects all of us.

I would say grief isn’t something that you ever get over, in time it gets easier, but it’s always going to affect your life, especially on anniversaries, birthdays and family occasions.

Grief doesn’t last a week, 2 weeks, a year, there is no time limit. It takes time to deal with all the emotions.

You will say I’m fine, I’m ok, I’m coping, but each day is different, every emotion is different.

I would describe its like a roller coaster of mixed emotion that sends your life into turmoil.

You have to go through it, and you deal with it in your own way. There is no right way or wrong way, it’s just there is no way of getting away from it.

If you put it on the back burner, if you shut it out, if you don’t grieve it will catch you up, but you don’t need to worry about it, it’s just part of the healing process.

Talking and sharing your feelings will make you feel better and will help you come to terms with your loss.

Between the age of 19-27 years old I lost my Father, my Grandad, my Grandma and my Uncle.

I hadn’t really thought about how losing so many of my loved ones during a short space of time would have had such a huge impact on my life and how they were actually the saddest times of my life when they should of been my happiest. How I got through it, I don’t really know, but I did and somehow you do find the inner strength, you carry on because you know that’s what your loved ones would want you to do.

There is comfort in knowing they are always with you in spirit. unexplained things happen and it keeps you going…..

That moment you lose a loved one, everything changes, its a sudden feeling of what am I going to do without them and nothing prepares you for grief.

It’s hard because you start questioning yourself and have lots going on in your mind. You ask yourself lots of what if’s, how am I going too, but they were going too and what am I going to….

I found it very difficult and still do that my father would never see my wedding day and he will never see my children.

All these thoughts take time to come to terms with, it’s part of the struggle, they will upset you, and you need to cry, you shouldn’t bottle up your emotions.

You may not cry at first, your crying may be delayed, for me it was the day of my fathers funeral and I still cry at times….

Grief is the hardest thing for us to deal with, but the shock of losing someone suddenly is the hardest of all to bear, because nothing prepares you, you didn’t know it was going to happen and you didn’t prepare yourself for it to happen, suddenly it happened.

This is what happened to me the shock of losing my father, at first It didn’t feel like it was happening to me.

I didn’t feel like I was living in reality, and you want to carry on with your normal life, but it’s not normal anymore, so you can’t and everything around isn’t the same. It’s actually a very isolating experience.

For any of us dealing with the passing of a loved one It’s like everything and everyone carries on with their day to day lives and that’s hard to deal with because you feel so lost, lonely and sad. It feels like nothing has happened and you are the only one stuck in time.

Although you receive all the cards, all the words of sympathy there is nothing that will take the pain away only time…..

Time is a healer and in time things begin to feel clearer and the mist lifts from the greyness and you begin to start feeling yourself again. You begin to come to terms with it, but you never will get over it, it’s just easier and your memories ease the pain and will stay with you forever….

A couple of years ago I was out with friends and I got talking to a man who was stood at the bar as I noticed he didn’t look happy. I asked him what was wrong and he told me that he has been really struggling to cope after the death of his father a number of months ago.  I began to tell him that my father died when I was 19 years old and he replied “I would of found that easier”

I replied “please don’t think like that” “There is no easier” and he should think of all the the memories and years he had with his father.”

He then continued to say that’s just it I have had more years with him therefore it’s harder for me too grieve. I told him that I disagreed and that if I could just have one more minute with my father I would and that he should treasure and appreciate all those times he had, times I feel I have missed out on, but there is no easier or harder, it’s just we will all have to deal with grief at some point in our lives and talking about it, sharing your own experience eases the burden and also remembering them always keeping them close in your thoughts….

2 Replies to “Grief in my own words….”

  1. My mum died 45 years ago & I’m still trying to come to terms with it. She had been in hospital for 2 years before her death & only been home a few months. So it was somehow normal she wasn’t there. But as I got older and saw the relationships my friends had with they’re mum’s I realised what I’d lost. She couldn’t help me pick my wedding dress she’ll never see my grandson. Some day I might come to terms with her loss x

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    1. Sarah, thank you for talking about it, grief is something we deal with in our own way, but if you can take comfort in feeling that your mum is with you in spirit and wouldn’t want you to feel so sad about it all these years.

      I do believe my father is around me and that gives me great comfort. Mark said I often talk about him in my sleep and shout his name out. I do get upset and I think we need to have a good cry about it.
      We have both been through heartache at a young age and I do sometimes get jealous of others relationships with their fathers and that’s why it makes me sad when I see families not spending more time with each other and making the most of time together.

      You are a lovely person Sarah and if you want to talk about it I’m here.

      Lots of love,
      Karen
      x
      x

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